The cultivation of kindness has scientifically proven positive effects on psychological and physical well-being and our ability to access our creative and other internal resources. Feelings of anger, disgust, contempt, on the other hand, have scientifically proven negative effects. Neuroscientists call this the “approach” vs the “threat” state of mind. Whether we know it or not, we are often, especially at work, in some degree of “threat state”.
If you maintain a positive state of mind about yourself, others and situations, there will never be space for the negative. Of course, this is easier said than done. Our default mind does not always have the mental fitness to choose our focus or our state of mind. We can train to give us this fitness to increase our ability to maintain a positive mind state. It gives us the mental force to align our words and actions with our aspirations and values. It’s simply a matter of taking advantage of the brain's remarkable plasticity.
The most beneficial of all mind states is kindness. Kindness is the neurological antidote to negative mind states like envy, hostility, anger, miserliness and so on. Kindness not only pacifies negative tendencies, it permanently uproots them. There is no space for anger when you are kind. And it feels good!
Please note that kindness doesn't mean we are unable to, for example, deal with unacceptable performance or other violations. It simply means that we approach such situations with kindness to ourselves and to others where possible. It's more the cultivation of a mind-state which overcomes our default negative tendencies in certain situations. Negative moods have significant consequences for our success and our wellbeing both in the short and in the long term.
The first step in cultivating kindness is to be kind to yourself. When you are kind to yourself, you will be able to be kind to others. When you are kind to yourself, you come to peace with yourself. When you are at peace with yourself, you bring peace to others. Can you think of a situation where you have been content and happy and still created conflicts with others?
Practice
Bring to mind a situation where you may either act or wish to act in ways that may not be kind. Perhaps where you feel that you have been undermined or treated with disrespect or where you feel that others’ have intended to hurt you in some way.
Ask yourself the following questions.
What is the kindest way I could look at this?
What assumptions am I making about others’ intentions / actions?
How do I know for sure that these are true?
How would you love to be able to respond to situations like this?
What is the kindest way you could see this?
What do you wish you could let go of, in this and similar situations?
How might you feel if you did?
What might be the result of seeing this and acting with kindness (think about longer term benefits for you and others)?
How can you grow through seeing this kindly?
What do I really want ? For me, for the other(s), for the “wider world”?
How might I act if my actions were serving what I really care about?
What will I do now?
What am I learning?
The cultivation of this core mental quality will set you on a path towards happiness and success.
